Resting

I'm in a quiet place now. After weeks and months of endless activity, constantly balancing needs with changing priorities, and working myself to exhaustion, I'm tired. More accurately, I'm sick.

As this last few months unfolded, each time I thought I was getting a bit of a reprieve, each time I thought I would have a day or two to sort out things and manage my responsibilities, I was wrong. I never did find more than a tiny sliver of time for resting. I did my best to keep up, and did my best to not fight the schedule for my life that seemed out of my hands. I did my best to surrender to the process that engulfed me. I kicked a bit, I stamped my feet a bit, but mostly I gave in.

And now, running a fever and unable to think straight for more than 10 minutes at a time, I'm still surrendering to the process that is larger than myself. I'm resting and napping while things remaining unchecked off my long to-do list. Deadlines approach and pass, and I nap.

Something is cooking inside me during this time. Something is being prepared. In due time, I will discover what it is. In the meantime, I surrender into the sacred space that my heart adores, and watch the parade of the world go past like I'm watching from an attic window the traffic on the street below.

We'll have to see what comes up next.

Project: Small Ideas Book (Completed)

Several weeks ago, I blogged about this wonderful book I made in a Carol Wingert Class. I'm happy to report that I've finished the project and it is going to be a Christmas present for... ooops, I almost gave away a secret! It's for someone who doesn't read my blog, so I feel safe posting pictures here.

After I finished the book, I gathered up a long list of my favorite quotes that I thought this young woman would also like. I sat down with several colors of pigment paint pens and a list of nearly 100 quotes, and slowly began the process of handwriting them into her book, along with a personalized note at the beginning. I was completely surprised when I ran out of quote before I ran out of blank pages! I went back to my quotations list and gathered more. There are more than 100 quotes written in here, and I've left room for her to begin adding in her own quotes.


I'm very excited to have my first family Christmas present finished (it's only a month away now!) and I know my young niece will love this.

More pictures available on Flickr.
Project code: 2800021

Great Wide Open

I am in type of creative space that I don't encounter very often. This time, instead of paper or other art media, the blank canvas is my life. My work life to be more specific.

The last time I felt like my working future was this wide open was back in college. After spending 2+ years studying computer engineering, I realized that I needed to change my major. I spent about 6 months still in college, still taking a full time load, but totally experimenting with different kinds of courses. There was such a freedom I felt from admitting to myself and the world that my major was truly "undecided" at that point. After a while, I did find a direction, and that direction lasted until just recently.

Now, with the shifting going on in my life, and the changes taking place in my main client's business, I realized I was in a unique place. I decided that instead of just going out to find new clients who need exactly the same kind of work done, I would take some time to explore my options. What kind of work do I want to specialize in next? It turned out to be a huge question, one I'm still not able to answer.

I'm completely comfortable with saying that my immediate business direction and future is undecided right now. I've got enough money to support myself through this transition, and I'm really appreciating that I'm a saver right now! I'm considering some very diverse options, including:

• Going back to college to get a PhD
• Writing a book
• Staring a new type of consulting work using social media
• Writing another movie script
  

I'm going back through my work history, looking at everything that has been juicy in the past, and making a list of the things that totally engage me and inspire me today. It's been a lot of fun and quite interesting.

Ironically, during this time my studio has devolved into a clutter bin! My worktable is piled so high with supplies and other studio stuff. It's really too bad because I have a lot of Christmas presents that need my attention. I'm hoping to resolve the studio mess next week and start on the pressies.

Project: Small Ideas Book

On Friday, I took another wonderful class from Carol Wingert at Scrapbooks, Etc. Her project is called Little Things and involved using aluminum tape, embossing, and lots of Glimmer Mist with masks. It was a fun class, as always.

I finished creating the book today in the studio. I am going to give this book as a Christmas present for a young woman in my life. I'm going to call it Small Ideas and fill it with inspirational quotes that I believe she will appreciate. My goal today was to finish assembling the major embellishments of the book and have it ready for quotes. After I insert the quotes, I'm going to use glass glitter and a few other embellishments to gussie it up even more. I'll post pictures when it reaches that stage.

For now, here is the book almost as Carol imagined it, awaiting my quote insertions:


The book is based on a cascading accordion book. Because Carol loves things with depth and texture, the pages include things like ribbons and jeweled brads, things that force the pages open. You can see the depth from this shot.


The bird was fun to make. We started with a die cut bird and glued on a sheet of cut cardstock that looks almost like a doily. Next, we applied a strip of aluminum tape over the cut cardstock and gently embossed the metal into the cardstock design. The results are amazing. It looks like a serious piece of embossed metal. It sits on a library pocked adorned with scrap of the cut cardstock.


Inside the first spread, the right page is an envelope holding a custom made insert with a ribbon pull. I added the bracket to the left page to emphasize the butterfly in the paper.


The right page has cardstock vines in blue and brown, with the brown placed underneath to look like a shadow. We bent the blue vine a bit, and applied the butterfly brad.


The center design comes from using a mask on the open book spread and applying a couple different shades of brown Glimmer Mist. The tree and bird are die cuts from cardstock.


Here is another page done with masks and Glimmer Mist. The reflection hides the image on the right page. It's a glorious effect, though.


The right page includes another piece of aluminum tape. This time, we embossed the tape using some of the Ten Seconds metal embossing plates and the Revolution die cutting machine. It sits on top of a brown lunch page, a chipboard die cut, that is tied together with a piece of vintage seam binding. Carol had this in her stash and included it for the class kit. She is very generous and gives us so much in each kit beyond the basics of the project, often items from her personal stash.


Inside the back cover. From this angle, you can't see the accordion stacked up on the left side. On the right, we have constructed a sort of Victorian posy starting with a metal rimmed tag embellished with paper and fabric flowers, metal leaves, and ribbon.

I'm going to give two of these Small Ideas books for Christmas. I purchased the blank cascading accordion blank to start the second one. I am sure I have enough paper in my stash to make the second one using a different color scheme, perhaps in orange and red. Next, the fun of selecting the quotes and deciding how to insert the writing into the books. I plan to hand write many of them, but may also use some vellum or heat transfer for others. Can't wait to get them both to that stage.

Facing the Unknown

A recent theme in my life is about facing the unknown. It's everywhere in my life right now, shaking me out of the road hypnosis of purring along smoothly and driving in my comfort zone. It's the new media at work in the studio. It's the client situation for my day job. It's embracing social media (Twitter, etc.) in my work life.

For the most part, I am really embracing this change and very happy to see it. I would be less than honest if I didn't say that from time to time, I get a bit scared about all of the changes. After those moments pass, I realize that feeling comes from the places where I've built my sense of security on something outside of myself. If my security is from having money in the bank, and my bank balance starts to drop, my security is shaken. If my security comes from having client work contracted out a few years in advance, and those dates come and go, my security is shaken. If my security comes from doing things the way I already know how to do them, and I have to switch to new tools and new strategies, my security is shaken.

For the most part, I feel I've done a great job in the last decade to really place my security where it belongs and not in these external things. I've been living a really peaceful and serene life, in spite of the normal rough times we all encounter in life. I've been through a serious illness, the extended illness of a family member, the deaths of several family members and close friends, the end of a relationship, and the purchase of my first home. With each of these, I went through a natural grieving process, letting go of the old, embracing the unknown of the future, and then finding my way into the new world. I've also discovered that it is easy to settle back into a comfortable routine after some major shakeups, too. But I'm really pleased at how well I've done in all aspects of managing my own security.

I'm at an interesting crossroad. I am in the processing of deciding what I want to be next (not what I want to be when I grow up... that will never happen!). I'm making choices now that will determine who I become next. That includes what kind of work I will do next. The opportunity for me is this: to take what I've learned so far, to see what I might want to do next, and figure out a vision for how I can reuse my skills to make that vision my new reality. It's a fun time, with a few scary moments. But it's a fun time.

Hang Time

My life has been consumed lately by my work, and now by my need to rest between big deadlines. I don't really have the time to rest, but my entire being seems to mutiny every time I even think about walking into the office. Yesterday, I realized that I have to give into this, and I ended up playing hookey most of the day. I had so much fun and felt so much better that I've decided to do the same thing again today.

Part of making art is being aware of my life. I have nothing deep to offer my art right now. Art without depth is not what my heart craves. I need my art to express the deepest parts of me, to share things that mean something to me, to offer a glimpse of my soul. To express what my words can't reach in a way words can't express.

I love this quote from William Blake. It tells me that hindsight understands my life with clarity, the moments that are confusing and misty in the present moment will later have form and make sense. That gives me comfort as I move through the misty world, dreaming dreams of my future and myself.

Life's cycles can be explained as breathing. There is a time for expansion, a time for growth and expression and creativity. But it follows a time of contraction, of instrospection and solitude and just hanging with what is. That's where I am now. Just hanging with myself until I'm rested and ready to begin all over again.

A New View

Thursday night, I had an amazing dream. I interpret my dreams based on the work of Carl Jung because I have found his approach to really help me understand my dreams in terms of personal growth. My dream was about a shift in my work life and my perspective on my work life. How appropriate for someone who is working to make art part of her working life (instead of remaining an escape from work)!

I attended a class on Friday taught by Carol Wingert at Scrapbooks, Etc. It was fabulous. We made an easel project that included three different metal techniques using copper. The largest copper piece we dipped in liver of sulfur, stamped with black ink, and then embossed the design. The next piece we also dipped in liver of sulfur after we stamped it (so the image was the only part that wasn't patined by the liver of sulfur. The third piece was copper mesh which we used heat to patina and then stamped. When I get my piece finished, I'll include pictures of it here. The class was so much fun, and Carol is great. She is teaching a series of classes now at Scrapbooks, Etc. for those of you in the Phoenix metro area.

I'm working again through the weekend on my other occupation (I'm a technical writer), working to meet a huge deadline in early June. As I ponder the life/work changes I'm making on the back burner, I'm excited and happy about the changes. And at the same time, there are other feelings and other thoughts that surface and sometimes surprise me. I understand that change is the blood of life, and I'm entering into this change willingly, but I know that every time we gain something, we let something go. I'm willing to embrace the change, accept the new, and release the old.

Here's to happy art for everyone!

Life is Beautiful

The greatest truth I have learned about life is that it comes in cycles. There are times when opportunities abound and I'm full of fresh ideas, people, and new things. From there, things start to get really busy and I realize there isn't a limit to what I can take on. I have to get practical and set priorities, and then run with what seems to be the best of the crop. Eventually, the pace slows back down, and after a time, I find myself at a pause. With time on my hands and a bit of exhaustion, I rest and regroup, and start longing for new, fresh things.

For a long time, I thought that I should be able to manage the highs and lows out of the process of living. I felt that I had failed somehow when the normal cycle came round and round. I've learned to make peace with the cycle. I've also learned that I do have some influence over the impact of the highs and lows on my life. I've learned that at the high points, I can make smart choices that prepare me for the low points to come. I have learned to save some of the abundance (both money and ideas) to pull out later when things are a bit empty.

In fact, I've come to see the beauty of the cycle. It's like my life breathes. There is an inhale where it seems that the inflow of good will always be there, followed by a pause at the full point. And then the slow exhale until I again reach a quiet spot on empty. Like breathing, my life can't constantly be about filling up. I have to let go to have the room/space/energy to breathe in again.

When things are filling up, I get a chance to apply my priorities and values in new ways and in new situations. And then at the empty spot, I can evaluate how well I did on my inhale. Was I well prepared for the exhale, or do I need to adjust anything in my priorities or values or practices?

My work life is crazy now, but I'm calm in the midst of it. I have deadlines that seem impossible when plotted in the project plan, and yet, I believe that somehow it's all going to come together. I don't know exactly how. I also realize that I might not make all of the deadlines as written. But I'm calm in knowing that I'm doing my best to reach these deadlines, and focusing on the process of the journey. I'm letting go of the outcomes. I'm letting things unfold as they will.

It's interesting to be back at a crazy too-much-work place and see how differently I'm reacting this time. Every time I cycle through, I do something better because I'm consiously choosing to learn from situations and improve myself. So today, I find myself back at the completely predictable spot at the end of the inhale, and I get to see myself against this unchangeable backdrop. I'm different. I'm better. And that makes me happy.

I'm a life artist, and my daily moments are a collage of my experiences, perceptions, understanding, and life's surprises. Today, I see with fresh eyes that my life is beautiful.

It's Art Time

I've forced myself to work at the things that currently pay the bills for long days and long weeks for almost two months. The last week was brutal! I reached an interim deadline tonight (after working more than 10 hours on a SATURDAY), and I've decided to reward myself with some time in the studio. Never mind that you can write your name in the dust in every room, or that I'm almost out of clean laundry, or that I need to unload the dishwasher, straighten up the garage, and clean the floors.

It's art time!

I expect that I will only have time to really pick up the studio a bit and perhaps start laying out my Gilbraltar travel book. Or maybe I'll start the wedding gift (since the wedding is in two weeks!) I'll decided when I get in there.

In the meantime, let me leave you with a thought.