Hang Time

My life has been consumed lately by my work, and now by my need to rest between big deadlines. I don't really have the time to rest, but my entire being seems to mutiny every time I even think about walking into the office. Yesterday, I realized that I have to give into this, and I ended up playing hookey most of the day. I had so much fun and felt so much better that I've decided to do the same thing again today.

Part of making art is being aware of my life. I have nothing deep to offer my art right now. Art without depth is not what my heart craves. I need my art to express the deepest parts of me, to share things that mean something to me, to offer a glimpse of my soul. To express what my words can't reach in a way words can't express.

I love this quote from William Blake. It tells me that hindsight understands my life with clarity, the moments that are confusing and misty in the present moment will later have form and make sense. That gives me comfort as I move through the misty world, dreaming dreams of my future and myself.

Life's cycles can be explained as breathing. There is a time for expansion, a time for growth and expression and creativity. But it follows a time of contraction, of instrospection and solitude and just hanging with what is. That's where I am now. Just hanging with myself until I'm rested and ready to begin all over again.

Life is Beautiful

The greatest truth I have learned about life is that it comes in cycles. There are times when opportunities abound and I'm full of fresh ideas, people, and new things. From there, things start to get really busy and I realize there isn't a limit to what I can take on. I have to get practical and set priorities, and then run with what seems to be the best of the crop. Eventually, the pace slows back down, and after a time, I find myself at a pause. With time on my hands and a bit of exhaustion, I rest and regroup, and start longing for new, fresh things.

For a long time, I thought that I should be able to manage the highs and lows out of the process of living. I felt that I had failed somehow when the normal cycle came round and round. I've learned to make peace with the cycle. I've also learned that I do have some influence over the impact of the highs and lows on my life. I've learned that at the high points, I can make smart choices that prepare me for the low points to come. I have learned to save some of the abundance (both money and ideas) to pull out later when things are a bit empty.

In fact, I've come to see the beauty of the cycle. It's like my life breathes. There is an inhale where it seems that the inflow of good will always be there, followed by a pause at the full point. And then the slow exhale until I again reach a quiet spot on empty. Like breathing, my life can't constantly be about filling up. I have to let go to have the room/space/energy to breathe in again.

When things are filling up, I get a chance to apply my priorities and values in new ways and in new situations. And then at the empty spot, I can evaluate how well I did on my inhale. Was I well prepared for the exhale, or do I need to adjust anything in my priorities or values or practices?

My work life is crazy now, but I'm calm in the midst of it. I have deadlines that seem impossible when plotted in the project plan, and yet, I believe that somehow it's all going to come together. I don't know exactly how. I also realize that I might not make all of the deadlines as written. But I'm calm in knowing that I'm doing my best to reach these deadlines, and focusing on the process of the journey. I'm letting go of the outcomes. I'm letting things unfold as they will.

It's interesting to be back at a crazy too-much-work place and see how differently I'm reacting this time. Every time I cycle through, I do something better because I'm consiously choosing to learn from situations and improve myself. So today, I find myself back at the completely predictable spot at the end of the inhale, and I get to see myself against this unchangeable backdrop. I'm different. I'm better. And that makes me happy.

I'm a life artist, and my daily moments are a collage of my experiences, perceptions, understanding, and life's surprises. Today, I see with fresh eyes that my life is beautiful.