Project: Small Ideas Book (Completed)

Several weeks ago, I blogged about this wonderful book I made in a Carol Wingert Class. I'm happy to report that I've finished the project and it is going to be a Christmas present for... ooops, I almost gave away a secret! It's for someone who doesn't read my blog, so I feel safe posting pictures here.

After I finished the book, I gathered up a long list of my favorite quotes that I thought this young woman would also like. I sat down with several colors of pigment paint pens and a list of nearly 100 quotes, and slowly began the process of handwriting them into her book, along with a personalized note at the beginning. I was completely surprised when I ran out of quote before I ran out of blank pages! I went back to my quotations list and gathered more. There are more than 100 quotes written in here, and I've left room for her to begin adding in her own quotes.


I'm very excited to have my first family Christmas present finished (it's only a month away now!) and I know my young niece will love this.

More pictures available on Flickr.
Project code: 2800021

A Day of Sharing Words

This post is part of the Day of Sharing Words, an idea from LK Ludwig, one of my favorite artists.

Diamond Road by Sheryl Crow (from C'mon C'mon)


Walk with me the diamond road
Tell me every story told
Give me something of your soul
That I can hold onto
I want to wake up to the sound of waves
Crashing on a brand new day
Keep the memory of your face
But wipe the pain away

When you're lonely (you're not alone)
When your heart aches (on diamond road)
It's gonna take a little time
Yeah, it's gonna take a little time
When the night falls (you're not alone)
When you're stumbling (on diamond road)
It's gonna take a little time
To make it to the other side

So don't miss the diamonds along the way
Every road has led us here today


Little bird, what's troubling you
You know what you have to do
What is yours you'll never lose
And what's ahead may shine
Beneath the promise of blue skies
With broken wings we'll learn to fly
Pull yourself out of the tide
And begin the dream again

When you're lonely (you're not alone)
When your heart aches (on diamond road)
It's gonna take a little time
Yeah, it's gonna take a little time
When the night falls (you're not alone)
When you're stumbling (on diamond road)
It's gonna take a little time
To make it to the other side

So don't miss the diamonds along the way
Every road has led us here today


Won't you shine on
Morning light
Burn the darkness away

Walk with me the diamond road
Tell me everything is gold
Give me something of your soul
So you don't fade away

When you're lonely (you're not alone)
When your heart aches (on diamond road)
It's gonna take a little time
Yeah, it's gonna take a little time
When the night falls (you're not alone)
When you're stumbling (on diamond road)
It's gonna take a little time
To make it to the other side

Don't miss the diamonds along the way
Every road has led us here today
Life is what happens while you're making plans
All that you need is right here in your hands.

Find out what this song means to me here.

Beginning The Dream Again

The years of 2001-2005 were the greatest challenge of my life where I've faced the hardest situations and redefined myself from the inside out. It started with being unable to shake off the flu which turned out to be sepsis (blood poisoning) and required surgery, an extended hospital stay, and intensive antibiotics to restore my life. I was left with reduced mobility, causing me to move to a one-story home. I'm grateful to report that I've regained nearly 100% of my mobility at this time. I learned a great deal about myself during this well-being crisis, but in summary, it allowed me to rethink everything I had believed about being alive and pick out the old ideas that had stuck around but no longer fit me. Sort of like cleaning out the cobwebs.

A few months after I moved into my house in the spring of 2003, my father (who was almost never sick in his life) went in for bypass surgery and ended up having a stroke and other complications. For the next year and a half, I shuttled back and forth between Phoenix and Ohio to help my family deal with his situation, including his last six months spent at home bed-ridden with my 70-year-old mom as his primary care giver. Facing his death and my own, I came away from this with a greater sense of priorities in my life, and the awareness that I'm now leading my life from my heart more than ever before.

The grief I felt at that time was immense, and I found myself in the role of being a caretaker for my mom and my other family members in varying degrees. I lived with mom for the first 6 months of her new life, helping her to sort out the house and begin to see the possibilities of what she could create with her life. It built a new bridge of understanding between us, it gave us a new common ground for understanding each other. But there was no time for me to deal with the inner costs of this caretaking or my new family role.

I hadn't really had time to grieve the issues around my illness, compounded with the issues around my father's death and my family's strained relationships, and the challenges of rebuilding my business after walking away from my clients for nearly two years. I had a heavy heart. I'm not one to give into self-pity, and did my best to remind myself of how good my life has been, and to remind myself that I know next to nothing about the kinds of suffering that appear around me in the world.

Even so, I would wake up in the middle of the night and sob uncontrollably until I was too tired to cry and my eyes were swollen shut. There was no spark in my eyes and no lightness in my heart in spite of my best efforts to be cheerful. It was like standing at the edge of a clearing, the place where the woods and the meadow meet, and being unable to step away from the shadows into the full light.

Late in the spring of 2005, I took a contract assignment to work in an office an hour drive away form my home out of necessity. I filled my drive time listening to books on CD, which was one of the greatest surprises and delights during that time. But there were a few afternoons where I was either out of books or just wanted a change of pace. On one those afternoons, I popped in C'mon C'mon by Sheryl Crow. When I got to the song Diamond Road, something amazing happened. I felt like I had fallen into a gulch or a ravine of sadness in my own heart, like the flesh had been torn and I was in the middle of the tear, deep inside it. The sadness was overwhelming, and I recognized that this place was the source of middle of the night sobbing.

Feeling underwater and at the same time intrigued by what I observed was happening to me, I replayed the song a couple of times and found that I was unable to utter more than a few words of singing between sobs. I must have been a sight, driving down Shea Boulevard in Scottsdale, Arizona in the afternoon drive time, radio blaring, singing and sobbing at the top of my lungs. But something amazing was happening. I felt like I was really feeling the core of my grief in a way that I had not done before. After a few times through the song, I was exhausted and put on something else to distract me.

During the next weeks, I found that I was still waking up sobbing, and some afternoons, I would experiment to see if I could get through Diamond Road without crying. I could not. Every time I played it, I sobbed, if not at the start, definitely by the time I reached the second verse. I would feel my eyes burn hot and huge tears flow out of them until my clothes were damp. I would do my best to sing, and would play the song a few times until I felt I was done for now.

For the next couple of months, I would test the healing of my heart with this song. Sometimes, I would sob from the beginning to the end. A few times, I found that I only cracked a couple of times, eyes hot and heart torn open, but no real tears or sobs. There was no pattern to this, my reactions seemed almost random. But there was no doubt that my reaction to this song was strong.

And then one day, a miracle happened. I sang the song all of the way though without crying. I was actually able to sing this song to my own soul as a song of my truth instead of a song of my sadness. When I reached the end, I actually let out a wooooo-hoooooo!! while I restarted the song. I must have sang it that day for most of an hour, celebrating the healing of my own heart.

I have always felt that my voice has a strong power in my own life. I learned many years ago to be careful about what I said out loud about myself (and of course what I said silently, too). I am a person who loves chanting, to be around chanting, and to do chanting. I learned a sacred chant from an eastern religion that gives me peace each time I say it. I can feel the power of the sound of my voice after many repetitions in my meditations. I absolutely believe that music, like all spoken words, is powerful.

This song, this wonderful song, allowed me to speak tenderly to my broken heart, but the second verse is about the inner journey of healing for me. "Little bird" [that's my heart] "what's troubling you? You know what you have to do." [emphasis on know-my heart always knows what is best for me] "What is yours you'll never lose" [I'm spirit in a body, having a human experience, but nothing human can take away my core, who I really am] "and what's ahead may shine. Underneath the promise of blue skies, with broken wings I'll learn to fly" [brighter days are ahead, I will learn again what I need to know] "Pull yourself out of the tide" [keep raising your face to the sun and continue to do what you know to do] "and begin the dream again."

It's the last line that hit the deepest when I admitted to myself that I had stopped dreaming about my life. I was afraid to dream, I had started to believe that this sadness was always going to be with me. I had lost my vision for the future.

I still play this song in the truck, and I still sing it at the top of my lungs, but now as a personal anthem, the song of my heart. It did "take a little time" but I find that I've made "it to the other side" of my grief. I'm flying again, and best of all, I'm dreaming the dream of my life again.

If you don't know the song, here are all of the lyrics.

Project: Accordion Book with Tag Book

I had a blast making this gift. First, the people receiving it have been kind to me at a time when I was struggling, and I appreciate that kindness. But building on what I've been making, and taking it to the next level, was such a stretch. It's an amazing thing to watch myself build skills in both design and execution. I'm really proud of everything I've made this year, but I feel this one is the one where the design I see in my head is very nearly the design I hold in my hand. I'm closing that gap (even as the designs in my head get better and more complex).


This is another accordion book that open both from the top and the bottom. I put a 7 Gypsies book belt on this one to hold the contents together. It's slightly off center, and I laid out the cover to accommodate this element. The cover contains two photographs trimmed down and distressed. The Bazzill library pocket is stamped with a Tim Holtz stamp using Peeled Paint Distress Ink. The pocket holds a tag mini-book (see later photo for details) with various ribbon, yarn, and a few Tim Holtz distress elements danglies. The ribbon across the bottom wraps around the front cover, and holds the paper flower with a crystal brad. I used Glimmer Mist (Patina and Coffee Shop) on the paper flower to make it blend in a bit more with the cover elements. A stamp, a compass, and a Chinese coin round out the cover.


The tag book is made from manilla tags that I've sprayed with Glimmer Mist (Patina and Key Lime Green) and then stamped with various stamps using Tim Holtz Distress Ink in Peeled Paint. They are stamped on one side and have Glimmer Mist on the back side. My thinking is that they can add pictures on the stamped side and write on the back. The tags are bound with a ball chain (which I trimmed down) and adorned with yarns and ribbons and danglies. I tried to make this gender neutral, but I couldn't help myself with the yarns. There are six tags in this book.

The interior pages I used Glimmer Mist (Patina and Robin's Egg in one direction, Patina and Coffee Shop in the other) using Tim Holtz masks with the clock face and gears. I added tabs and other page marking items. When you open the book from the top, it contains a photo holder that I also distressed and painted with Glimmer Mist so it blends into the rest of the project.

More pictures available on Flickr.
Project code: 280111

Six Random Things

Brent Logan tagged me, so here is my response according to the following official rules:

• Link to the person who tagged you.
• Post the rules on your blog.
• Write 6 random things about yourself.
• Tag 6-ish people at the end of your post.
• Let each person know he/she has been tagged.
• Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Here are six random facts about me you can't learn in my Facebook profile:

1. The first album I bought for myself was Simon & Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water. I still love that album, and can still play that song on the piano (at least I could the last time I sat at a piano).
2. When I was a kid, I took piano lessons. In junior high, I decided I wanted to become a concert pianist and asked my teacher to pile it on. In the next year, we discovered that not only do I have small hands (a hindrance for piano playing), but every finger is double jointed, making them weak. My pitch isn't perfect, and I can't play well by ear (apparently those things go together). She told me I could make a living as a concert pianist, but I would never be great. I made my first career change in that moment. I wanted to do something where I could be great. I never took another piano lesson, either.
3. In high school, I was selected to complete a senior honors art program through a competitive selection process. I designed a project in textile arts to learn to weave and design fabric. But when it came time to sign my registration, my mother insisted that no girl should graduate from high school who couldn't type and take shorthand (I graduated in 1977, and she was stuck in 1957). After a heated battle that I lost, I dropped chemistry and the honors art program to take them. Typing turned out to be a great idea. Shorthand... not so much.
4. I was in the first audience to see Steven Spielberg's Close Encounters of The Third Kind on the day it opened. I saw it more than 20 times in the theatre. Back in the day, you were either a Star Wars person or a Close Encounters person. I didn't find my inner Jedi geek until they re-released Star Wars a few months before Empire Strikes Back.
5. My dad (who didn't protect me from the typing and shorthand fiasco), was a somewhat famous research physicist who worked in solid state physics. His team did the fundamental science research that led to the development of solar batteries in the early 1960s, among other things, at Wright Patterson Air Force Base. Most of his work was directly for NASA and he loved astronomy. I have fond memories of him showing me the heavens from the telescope in our backyard in Ohio when I was very young. I've been a backyard astronomer ever since. After I moved to Arizona, I bought a telescope and he got to see the stars under the Arizona dark skies.
6. After a stint as a consultant who flew to work every other week, I decided to use my frequent flyer miles to visit Australia. When that ticket fell through at the last minute, I took the three weeks off work and traveled through Arizona and New Mexico without an itinerary. I spent a week with the Hopi and was deeply moved by my time on Second Mesa and Third Mesa. It was the first time I had more time off work than a week and two weekends, and during this time I decided to go into business for myself. I came back to my routine with a new objective and passion, and started my company 9 months later. I've never looked back, and it's been 13 years.

I'm tagging the following people:

• Rhonda Bracey
• Elizabeth Bunsen
• African Kelli
• Jodi
• Nick
• Roger Willilams
  

I can't wait to see what I learn about your backstories!

Perfect Sunday Afternoon

I'm having one of those perfect weekend days. I spent the morning writing and now I'm making lunch. I had left over portabello mushrooms that I needed to use or give away soon, so I decided with the cooler weather in Phoenix today to make soup. Sausage and mushroom sounded good! I Googled mushroom sausage soup, and I found about half a dozen recipes right away. I read through them, and realized I could create a recipe from them that I would like better than any of them. So here it is, my new 'shroom sausage soup.

1 c white rice
5 3/4 c water
8 oz sausage (I used Jimmy Dean hot cut in patties)
1 medium onion chopped
2 celery ribs chopped
2 c chopped mushrooms (whatever type you like)
4 clove garlic minced
1 tsp jalapeno minced
1 tbs thyme
1tsp red pepper flakes
1/4 c coriander (you could use parsley)
1/4 c chicken paste or bullion or broth (replaces some water)
salt and pepper to taste

1. In a medium pan, add rice and 1 3/4 c water, bring to a boil and simmer covered for 15-20 minutes or until rice is cooked.
2. At the same time, in a dutch oven at medium heat, cook sausage patties until browned. Crumble and add onion, celery, mushrooms, garlic, and jalapeno. Cook until vegetables turn color and onions get transparent.
3. Combine meat and vegetables in rice and add remaining water. Add thyme, red pepper flakes, coriander, chicken paste, salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil, cover and simmer for 35-45 minutes.
   

Project: Photo Accordion Book

Tonight, I gave a gift book to a very dear new friend. I decided over the weekend that I would make a small book for her. So I spent some time going through her Flickr archive looking for a photo I could use for the cover. It turned out, she has quite a collection of photos out there, and so I decided to print several pictures for her book.

Note: I was able to do this because my friend had not copyright protected her images on Flickr. If she had protected them, I would have needed her permission to use them, even in a gift for her. I would have taken that step, even though it would have removed most of the surprise of the gift.

I decided to use an accordion book. I assembled the book so it opens from both the bottom and the top. Before assembling the book, I decided that I would leave the book mostly blank for her to put in her pictures. Because she would be adding photos, I needed an artistic design for the inner pages that I could do, rather than embellishments added on top of photos. I decided to use Glimmer Mist and a Heidi Swap mask. Using three colors (Patina, Robin's Egg Blue, and Key Lime Green), I misted the backgrounds on both sides. I used papertowels to cover up pages that I didn't want to mist in each section. I made some more green and some more blue, mostly by the color I put on the top.

While the inner pages dried, I covered the covers with Bo Bunny striped paper, and then assembled the front decorations. I did a dry layout and used my digital camera to snap the planned layout for later. I went through my stash, and used some elephant stamps, a small compass, the word "journey," and a lot of flowers. I used a Tim Holtz ATC stamp to add some interest to the Bazzill library pocket. I used Peeled Paint distress ink to stamp the library pocket, and a series of green cateye chalks to distress the edges of things on the cover.

Next, I assembled the book, using a UHU glue stick to assemble the pages to the covers. I closed the book, and put it under something heavy in my office for an hour to make sure it was solid before moving forward. I added a few photos to the interior before I assembled the front cover. After the cover was finished, I went through and added tabs to many of the interior pages. As a last step, I used a small photo folder and attached it in the middle from the top, and inserted the remaining photos in it.


When I was finished, about an hour later (not counting drying time), I had a lovely gift I was proud to give. Total cost was under $10. My friend can use a Sharpie or a pigment ink pen to write captions on and around her photos after she assembled the whole album.

More pictures available on Flickr.
Project code: 280011

Great Wide Open

I am in type of creative space that I don't encounter very often. This time, instead of paper or other art media, the blank canvas is my life. My work life to be more specific.

The last time I felt like my working future was this wide open was back in college. After spending 2+ years studying computer engineering, I realized that I needed to change my major. I spent about 6 months still in college, still taking a full time load, but totally experimenting with different kinds of courses. There was such a freedom I felt from admitting to myself and the world that my major was truly "undecided" at that point. After a while, I did find a direction, and that direction lasted until just recently.

Now, with the shifting going on in my life, and the changes taking place in my main client's business, I realized I was in a unique place. I decided that instead of just going out to find new clients who need exactly the same kind of work done, I would take some time to explore my options. What kind of work do I want to specialize in next? It turned out to be a huge question, one I'm still not able to answer.

I'm completely comfortable with saying that my immediate business direction and future is undecided right now. I've got enough money to support myself through this transition, and I'm really appreciating that I'm a saver right now! I'm considering some very diverse options, including:

• Going back to college to get a PhD
• Writing a book
• Staring a new type of consulting work using social media
• Writing another movie script
  

I'm going back through my work history, looking at everything that has been juicy in the past, and making a list of the things that totally engage me and inspire me today. It's been a lot of fun and quite interesting.

Ironically, during this time my studio has devolved into a clutter bin! My worktable is piled so high with supplies and other studio stuff. It's really too bad because I have a lot of Christmas presents that need my attention. I'm hoping to resolve the studio mess next week and start on the pressies.